i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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