I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
