Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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