your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
