His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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