So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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