sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
only if we run a train.
done.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
