I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
