Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
