And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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