this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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