So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
