i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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