You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
