Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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