Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
