She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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