So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
