The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
