elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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