There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
