Fine. I'll sleep in my office
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
