Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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