he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
