Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
