Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
its not stalking. its research.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
