when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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