Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
