oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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