so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
