Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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