I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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