Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
