ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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