i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
