maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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