Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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