okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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