No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
