i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
