All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
