So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
