Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
