i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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