the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Everclear isn't food dammit
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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