Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fuck appropriateness.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
