I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you would pick up someone in the library
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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