i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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