she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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