i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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