Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
