you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
