He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
