worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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