I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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